Retraction: Foil helmets *not* effective in foiling aliensh
In previous articles I've suggested foil helmets as a means to protect yourself from alien ships tracking your movement, governments hearing your thoughts, and improving your bread baking. Well, it turns out I was wrong. (Who would have thought?) An MIT study on the effectiveness of foil helmets will have you scrambling for alternate protection. At least I was.
On the Effectiveness of Aluminium Foil Helmets: An Empirical Study is a short, but empirical evaluation on the effectiveness of our foil head wear. The study covered my two favourites, the Fez and Centurion styles, plus the boring, yet easily constructed, Classic foil headdresses.
The summary of the study says it best:
Among a fringe community of paranoids, aluminum helmets serve as the protective measure of choice against invasive radio signals. We investigate the efficacy of three aluminum helmet designs on a sample group of four individuals. Using a $250,000 network analyser, we find that although on average all helmets attenuate invasive radio frequencies in either directions (either emanating from an outside source, or emanating from the cranium of the subject), certain frequencies are in fact greatly amplified. These amplified frequencies coincide with radio bands reserved for government use according to the Federal Communication Commission (FCC). Statistical evidence suggests the use of helmets may in fact enhance the government's invasive abilities. We speculate that the government may in fact have started the helmet craze for this reason.
Although I'm not happy with the references to being paranoid, the evidence seems valid. So, to anyone following our advise to wear a tin foil hat to fend off potential threats or just looking for a higher rise in your bread, please accept our apologies. We ask that you go back to wearing a pyramid hat fashioned from clothes hangers until further notice.