Cell phone bandit should be called Cell Phone Senorita

The woman dubbed the ‘cell phone bandit’ because she robbed two banks while chit-chatting on her cell phone has been identified as Candice Rose Martinez, 19. Now, I’m not one to glamorize bank robberies, but this woman gives crime a fresh face.

For years we’ve been forced to look at mug shots of some ugly mugs. I don’t know about you, but I want my criminals looking like the Hollywood superstars I’ve been conditioned to see. Give me some smooth talking Harvey Keitel, Brad Pitt, Uma Thurman flipping around a pistol and chatting on a Motorola RAZR. Perhaps we can raise the status of crime once again?

I’m also glad to see the networks and papers giving her a handle: the cell phone bandit. I would have preferred something more villainous or fun. How about Cell Phone Sally? Or since she’s obviously hispanic: The Cell Phone Senorita. ‘Bandit’ is so 1800s.

I’m waiting for her next heist where I’m hoping she’ll show up in black skin-tight villain-wear, gossiping on a custom pimped Nokia 8801. And if you’re reading this Candice, I suggest a mask like Cat Woman in your next heist. Plus, I’d flash the handset around a bit so the surveillance camera can take some nice ‘promo’ shots. You might be able to wrangle some advertising dollars for your future lawyer fees.